Quarantining With A New Significant Other During The COVID-19 Crisis
If you are in a fairly new romantic relationship, this time can pose very specific challenges. With isolation being the new normal, the honeymoon period of continuing to get to know a significant other through dates, outings, and adventures has been abruptly cut short. While this time is ideal for fulfilling sexual cravings and getting to know someone new on a more personal level, it can also feel as though you’re being forced to accelerate your relationship in ways that may not feel so comfortable. In this blog I’ll discuss some common issues that come up around quarantining with a new partner along with ways to problem-solve. With the shelter-in-place system, boundaries have shifted drastically. If you choose to quarantine with your person, instead of being together in shorter bursts throughout the week you are now more likely to be in each other’s space for an indefinite amount of [...]
Discovering Your Partner Has Cheated–Individual Versus Couple’s Therapy, and Where to Start
by Katherine Lee, LCSW Learning that your partner or spouse has been cheating can feel Earth-shattering. To discover that the person you’ve loved and trusted has committed the ultimate betrayal can make one feel like they may never get over what’s happened. A common reaction after the initial shock has settled is to take the plunge into couples counseling. A desperation to fix the issues that led to cheating in the first place and to answer the question of, “where do we go from here?” together is understandable. But in many cases, individual therapy should be considered as a first step or as an adjunct to your couple’s sessions. Here are some reasons why. You’re experiencing PTSD-like symptoms that are interfering with everyday life Post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD) can happen after learning of a partner’s affair, and its symptoms are very much akin to PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Replaying [...]
Women with Cold Feet: How to Know If You Have a Fear of Commitment
by Katherine Lee, LCSW He’s not tall enough. His laugh is annoying. He has some annoying habits that kept ticking me off. I didn’t get any clear signals he was into me. It can be easy to pick up on when a guy is “just not that into you.” But how do you know if you’re giving off similar signals? Do you find yourself constantly feeling convinced that a first/second/third date, or even a current relationship will never really go anywhere? If so, you may have a fear about giving any man a chance to really connect with you. A woman may grow deeply tired of the dating scene when it seems to become a revolving door of disappointments, failing to realize that she’s sabotaging herself. So how do you know if you’re afraid of commitment when it comes to dating? --You Zero in on the small things While [...]
For Your Mind AND Your Face: My View on Why Coming to Rouge, a Makeup Salon, is Good for Your Mental Health
As a therapist who specializes in working with millenials, I encounter many young women who struggle with self-confidence and finding their place in NYC. The pressure of job interviews, business meetings, NYC nightlife, and the city’s dating scene can feel intimidating. In these cases, I work with clients to develop ways they may feel better about themselves and more equipped to confront the very scenarios they’re afraid to approach.
An Open Letter to Supervisors and Managers: 5 Easy Fixes that can Increase Satisfaction and Motivation in the Workplace in 2016
by Katherine Lee, LCSW The process of communication between employees and supervisors can be imperative for each party in terms of satisfaction in the work place. In my Manhattan practice I often see individuals struggling with anxiety and discouragement on the job. Some are employees who may be younger in their career trajectories, whereas others are in positions of authority, and thus facing their own pressures. Oftentimes transitioning into a managerial role is more difficult that one suspects, and experts predict that if you were a high performer in your work previous to becoming a manager, this switch may feel particularly challenging. (http://www.eremedia.com/tlnt/being-the-boss-why-is-becoming-a-manager-so-difficult/). If you’re finding it complicated to motivate employees or to boost morale, here are 5 simple things to practice consistently that may make a difference. - Provide a balance between positive and negative feedback A common problem I hear as a therapist is when a client, [...]
Female Infidelity: Guilt, Excitement, Loneliness, and How to Deal
Women who cheat on their partners often experience a barrage of emotions. Guilt mixed up with excitement from the affair, as well as shame and loneliness are quite common. Not only is it hard to risk judgment from others by talking about cheating; society often pigeonholes men to be the ones to step outside of a relationship, leaving females in this position feeling especially stigmatized and isolated. The truth is, current research reveals that women are as likely to cheat as men.
Online Dating: How to Avoid First Date Disappointment
Connecting with a potential match online can seem exciting, but when it comes to the actual dates, do you often leave feeling disgruntled? You’re not alone. While the process can seem efficient, I find that many single professionals tend to feel jaded about online dating after giving it many tries. So how do you lessen the chance of feeling as though time and money might be wasted on a first date? How can the process of online dating make for more of an enjoyable experience? This is my take on how to ensure just that through several easy steps. Speak on the phone before your date, but limit the conversation In online dating, one of the biggest mistakes one can make is in trusting that there will be chemistry in person based upon minimal data. Getting your hopes up through looking at photos or messaging through a dating site/app [...]
Do the Spring/Summer Blues Really Exist?
by Katherine Lee, LCSW Spring and summer are near, and while many have waited months to embrace warmer weather and outdoor activities, others may not feel too happy about it. Many clients I see find it confusing that upsetting emotions begin to emerge once spring comes along. Most people can relate at least in some part to “the winter blues,” but transitioning into these seasons can also feel difficult. Here are a few common reasons why. Springtime means that endings are near Adults who are coming out of college, graduate school, or just winding down for a long summer vacation may not feel as relieved as they would imagine. Think about it—by ending school or getting away from work, you are essentially shutting off vital parts of everyday life, like productivity, collegiality, and socialization. Even a summer at the beach, as relaxing as it sounds, may begin to feel [...]
Burned Out at Work? How to Decide When It’s The Right Time to Call it Quits
Work often plays a major part in how we feel about ourselves, and in how we view our day to day life. So what do we do when we begin to feel burned out, out at work? Is this enough to tell us that we need to stop what we’re currently doing, and look for a new job?
Why starting therapy may be your best resolution of 2015
We’re all too familiar with the idea that the start of a new year can mean the start of a “new you.” An increase in commercials for weight loss or dating sites, gym membership sales, and the popular notion that now is the time to start fresh and meet new goals tend to weigh on our minds. The truth is, staying committed to achieving our resolutions is not easy.
How to Deal with Hopelessness and Uncertainty in your 20’s and 30’s
Millenials who struggle with dating ruts, infertility, or unhappy relationships or marriages are particularly privy to having the feeling that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
Tips for Surviving the Holidays
Around this time, reminders of the holiday season are all around us. We’re bombarded with Christmas commercials, holiday music, and decorations seem to be everywhere (including the workplace). For many, this is a joyous time, but the holidays can also elicit feelings of stress, anxiety, and sadness.
My Take on the Bill Cosby Allegations — A Psychological Perspective
As a therapist who has worked with sexual assault victims, I’d like to shed light on the recent controversy regarding women who are now coming out about allegedly being raped by Bill Cosby.
Attracting Quality Matches Online
Ever feel like you’re wasting time (and money) on dating websites? There are many reasons why people feel frustrated with online dating, including the initial process of trying to connect with someone online in the first place. Ever felt stuck trying to land a good match, let alone schedule an actual date? In this blog I’ll cover ways to hopefully increase your odds of connecting with individuals on most online dating sites.
Is Speed Dating any better than Online Dating?
As millennials, many of us have grown accustomed to online dating. In a busy metropolitan city, particularly, online dating seems “the only way” to meet someone these days. While online dating can have success rates, it comes with its own set of challenges familiar to many of us.
When Movies Give Therapy a Bad Rap
I often hear people say they’re nervous to try therapy based on what they’ve heard. Many believe that therapy only involves lying on a couch, being psychoanalyzed or put into a hypnotic state. While this type of therapy still exists, it joins other, current treatment methods that have much more of a collaborative approach.
How to go out alone (and feel comfortable) in NYC
Many find it difficult to go out in NYC alone. In a major city like ours, it may feel strange or uncomfortable to go out by yourself in public. Having a movie night in with take-out often sounds like a cozier, safer option. Here’s the downside: Buying into your anxiety and choosing to stay in the comforts of home may lead to increased feelings of loneliness and depression. Venturing out into the city solo may not only boost your spirits—it can also lead to new friendships, connections and possibilities.
“I’m Bored with this conversation…Now what???”
Bored during a movie, or a lecture? No problem. Daydreaming in these situations never hurt anyone else's feelings. But what if you feel prone to boredom during social interactions? Experiencing boredom during conversation may feel fleeting and harmless to some. To others, moments like these can feel scary and paralyzing. Handling lack of interest during conversation may not only feel difficult to tolerate --it also requires us to make careful decisions with people whose opinions we care about.